Updated: Feb 15
Relationships are essential. Romantic or otherwise, social relationships provide us with a sense of connection, purpose, support and, ultimately, overall better health and longevity. They humble us, challenge us, and transform us. One of the most fulfilling and transformative relationships of all is a conscious partnership. A conscious partnership is one that honors each others' individual needs whilst supporting your shared growth as a couple. It is a safe space for healing of relational trauma and exploration of self and our capacity for intimacy and vulnerability.
A Conscious Relationship
A conscious relationship (or partnership) is one that calls for growth without attachment. This is not to say that the future outcome of the relationship doesn't matter to the couple. It simply means that each person will not abandon themselves in order to make the relationship 'work'. Allowing for freedom of individual and combined growth -- spiritually, emotionally, physically, and mentally -- keeps the spirit of the relationship alive. There can be powerful love between two people who do not feel caged in or watered down by the other. Each partner knows that they are accepted and supported for all that they are which allows for an even deeper, more authentic connection.
This kind of relationship is one that takes work -- it requires a commitment to truth. A commitment to vulnerability when you're face to face with patterned behaviors that make you feel unlovable (we all have them). The ones that may have kept you in a perpetual cycle of running from the hard moments.
There is this belief floating around dating culture that you need to have it all figured out before you can share your life with someone else. That you need to "love yourself first". While that does have some truth to it, it's not fully accurate. Controversial statement here, but -- you don’t have to be fully healed to be in a healthy, loving, conscious partnership. There are parts of us that can only heal when we enter into a romantic relationship. This being that they only rise to the surface when we become triggered -- when our attachment styles and survival mechanisms kick in. Relationship issues require work and actual practice within a relationship to be resolved.
Healing in Relationship
You can do all the work -- the journaling, the talk therapy, the self love rituals -- but at the end of the day, this is all just foundational. All of that knowledge and individual growth is powerless until applied, which is why healing begins with practice. Practice that requires you to be raw and real with yourself and your partner. To share the parts that you have hidden away, so they can see and love and accept you, for all that you are.
Our romantic partners ask us to stand in our truth in order to break relational cycles of our past. This process is about choosing to stay and heal through the discomfort of exploring and expanding with another soul. There is a misguided belief that relationships should be "easy" and just work when you’re with the "right" person. We are sold this fairytale at a young age, that love should be light and free. That conflict is bad and means your relationship is suffering. On the contrary, nonviolent relational conflict is normal, healthy, and desirable. All of your feelings matter and should be heard -- especially those that make you uneasy.
Relationships can be a vessel for deep healing and open up a pathway to access our authenticity. They bring to the light traumas that have held us back from true connection, and help to reset our patterned thoughts. Conscious partnerships can be both messy and magical -- they soften us and allow for us to love and be loved for all that we are. The caveat? You have to be unapologetically, radically honest with not only your partner, but yourself.
Understanding you and your partner's attachment styles can be a supportive addition to your healing journey. This is that foundational knowledge as mentioned before -- it is yet another tool to keep in your arsenal and put into practice!
A book I have personally read and share often with my clients explains it the science behind attachment styles, how to determine yours, and how to become more secure in your relationships -- Attached. The New Science of Adult Attachments and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love. - Amir Levine, M.D., and Rachel S.F. Heller, M.A.
Our attachment styles -- anxious, avoidant, secure -- shed immense light onto our unconscious blocks and unhealed traumas. In reading this book, you will have a better understanding of how you've been wired from your past experiences. Not only can this open the door for deep intimacy with yourself and your partner, but it is also extremely beneficial for those who are single and looking for love that lasts.
If you're looking to dive deeper into your patterned behaviors and want support through your journey, reach out to schedule a 30-minute consultation with me today!